The rest of your life

Yesterday was the graduation ceremony at my school. There was singing, dancing traditional and modern hip-hop, concessions and speeches. Being there just made me think of my own graduations. Graduation from high school was great. I was so ready to move out and go to college. Graduation from college however was not that great. It just felt like something great was ending. I was never scared that I would not graduate. I didn’t really care about what my GPA was either. I just went through the motions of finishing my degree. I had nothing lined up for me, but I had friends who did. They were going to grad school or had found a job. All I had done was apply to the Peace Corps. I was happy for my friends and enjoyed the last moments of being a college student with them, but I was also surrounded by a cloud of uncertainty.

I think that these students that are finishing secondary school might feel similar to how I felt after college. I’m sure a few of them have something planned, but most of them probably do not. A lot of them will simply be unemployed, which is worse than the condition I was in. At least I had something that I had applied to, which I am now doing.

I asked some of them what they will do now and they don’t know. The common response is they will look for a job. My favorite graduating senior said she will sell clothes at the market. A decent job, but she is capable of so much more.

Only 1% of the country goes to university and if these students want to do that they will have to save up a little before they can go. Getting a loan is not really an option and support is really hard to come by. Something the president of the parents association said while giving his speech was, ‘You say education is expensive, but how about ignorance.’ I agree with him. The cost of ignorance is greater than education, but this doesn’t change that most of these recent grads will not continue their education and it is not because they are ignorant.

Something else he said was a public thank you to me. I have never spoken to him, but someone must have told him about what I do or he felt compelled to say this after I got my own introduction at the beginning of the ceremony apart from the other teachers. He thanked America, the Peace Corps and me for what I do. He then told me to extend their gratitude to the Peace Corps and America, so to any Americans or anyone from Peace Corps reading this the parents of students of Mulindi Secondary thank you. This was the first time I have been thanked since being sworn in as a volunteer, and then it was as a group. I teared up a little when he said this and quickly wiped it away. The headmaster spoke after him and he thanked me too.

I usually don’t feel too appreciated. It is so hard to really gage what they think of me. Do they really need me? Do they really want the help I am here to give? Am I getting more out of being here than I am giving? Is what I am doing sustainable or will it be like I was never here? I am here because I want to find meaning in my life.

As a senior in college I studied Ecclesiastes in two bible studies at the same time. I had been going to both for a while already so when both decided to study Ecclesiastes at the same time I was a little disappointed, but kept going to both of them anyways. Ecclesiastes is a great book. Solomon is traditionally credited with writing it because he fits the character. The book can be summarized into one line that it repeats multiple times. ‘Everything underneath the sun is meaningless.’ In the end it is not going to matter if you have done everything you wanted, lived a good life, worked hard, or acquired knowledge. It is all chasing the wind. There nothing more uplifting and promising than studying the bible. Then again the bible was never supposed to be uplifting. Solomon comes to the conclusion that there is nothing better for a person to do than ‘be joyful and to do good as long as they live,’ and only what God does lasts forever and God does these things so people will accept and love/fear him. The man who turned away from God in so many ways then writes a book about why you should not turn away from God, and it’s not because of your place in eternity but because you will never find meaning in anything else, but you should still enjoy life.

Graduating from school forces you to ask what you are going to do with your life, but I guess you never stop asking that question. Even as an old man who had done everything life had to offer Solomon was still contemplating this. Three thousand years there is still not an answer. I am here doing what I am doing this because I want to do good, but I want so many more things than to do good. I want the experience and everything that I can get out of it. I guess that’s how I’m trying to enjoy life.

I let a teacher use my camera during the ceremony. He was a lot more interested in recording video than taking pictures so I don’t have many good pictures of the evening. I can’t upload videos. This is of the student council.

We are taking pictures so everyone look serious.

I posed for about 100 pictures. My friend Simon told me how “gay” we looked after we took this one. He then told me that we got married and that I was the bride because the other guy was wearing a suit.

The only picture I got with my favorite of the graduating class, Aline the president of GLOW club, and the top of my head is cut off. I am going to miss her being around. I can have a favorite. I’m their teacher not their dad.

Simon and Aline both have so much potential if they were given the opportunity.

The rest of the pictures he took were pretty blurry. I’m pretty tired of them always taking my camera from me. I don’t think I will allow it any more.

Name Change

I just changed the name to this blog. I was inspired by the movie The Social Network. In it Sean Parker tells Mark Zuckerberg that he should drop the 'the' in 'the facebook' and then it would cleaner and cooler. I am hoping that if I drop the 'welcome to' that it cleans things up and my blog will be cooler and more popular. When I say my blog I mean me. I don't really care about me being cleaner though because I live in a village in Rwanda.

The Education System

Something that I have noticed as my first year as a professional volunteer teacher comes to an end is that teachers are not very appreciated. Teachers have to work long days in the classroom and then spend the rest of their time planning lessons and grading. After all of that it’s hard to care enough to want to run a club or coach a sport. That is why no one coaches basketball at my school, but the b-ball court is in pretty bad condition as of late. There is actually only a coach for soccer. I think it takes a lot of work to be good at any job, but most other jobs will have bonuses and overtime or at least pay better than teaching. Teachers also have administration that will make them work harder or get in the way of them doing their job at all. There have been so many times when I have been ready to go teach and we have a surprise meeting about nothing.

For this reason and maybe more teaching is looked at as a temporary job in Rwanda. This year three (including myself) started at the beginning of the year and are finishing it, two have come and gone, three have left for better paying jobs, three who started after the school year started (two just started at the beginning of this term), and one is brought in on weekends to make up for another teacher who is too ‘old and can’t work all of the hours that are required’ (this teacher just won an award – I can’t stand this guy, he doesn’t put any effort into teaching. During exam week there was a day between the elective exams and main subject exams and I was going to have a review for the Math and English exams, but this guy gives a quiz. During exam week he gave a quiz. I am sure that its because he didn’t have enough to make grades for the term. I was only able to review math. Then when I turned in my grades to him for the term he asked me for the grades for the whole year and I didn’t know I needed that, he then calls me lazy and starts talking about me to the other teachers. I can’t understand everything that you’re saying man, but I can tell when you are talking about me). So overall the school added three teachers this year. Of the 18 teachers who have worked here over the last year 12 of them were not working here the year before. Of the six who have been here for longer than I have I can tell that only three have been here for much longer than that (one of them being the award winner), and I know that they will not be here much longer because they are removing lower secondary from this school in the next two years and they all teach lower secondary. Another reason they won’t be teachers much longer is the Ministry of Education is enforcing teachers to have certain qualifications and none of these three have these. In fact, I met someone who works for the Ministry of Education who told me that 50% of secondary school teachers in Rwanda are not qualified to be teaching. The standards are not even that high. All they have to have done is either gone to secondary school for teaching, or go to a teacher training school (I don’t know how involved that is). There is teacher training for unqualified teachers during breaks primarily to learn English that from what I understand most teachers choose to skip. I wouldn’t be qualified to be a teacher in America, but here since I have a bachelor’s degree I am one of the most qualified people working there. There is one guy who goes to school on the weekends in Kigali to get a bachelor’s in teaching and two who go to Uganda to get masters and both of them are getting their masters so they can get better jobs than teaching.

I recently met some VSO volunteers who just started in Byumba, Leslie and Steve. Leslie will be training teachers and Steve will train headmasters. They are much more qualified than I am. They have worked in schools for as long as I have been alive and now they decide to come to volunteer in Africa. Doing that when you retire would be hard to want to do. They deserve to take it easy, but here they are doing something that is really hard. Pretty impressive, I hope they can accomplish a lot. I hope they can at least change teacher methodology enough that they don’t consider it enough to just copy notes from a textbook and then rewrite that on the board for the students to copy into their notebooks with little to no explanation. I haven’t been very successful in changing this mentality.

The administration has not changed much though. Only the headmaster changed because the old one was not qualified so he was replaced. I really like the headmaster. He is pushing the school and teachers to improve and he is the reason for some of the turnover in teachers.

I wrote that when I was attending a ceremony for International Teachers Appreciation Day. For International Teachers Appreciation Day there was no school and instead all of the teachers from Kaniga sector (a sector is like a county) met at my school to celebrate. The ceremony started two and a half late, but I anticipated that so I came an hour and a half late kinda hoping I would be late, but it started later than I had expected. Keeping time is just not all that important here. Lucy’s school also held a ceremony and hers started four hours late.

The ceremony included singing and dancing by students, long speeches, presentation of awards and finally a meal. When I watch my students perform all that I think about is if they can learn how to do this so well then why aren’t they better at math and English. Its cool that they like dancing and they are very good at it.

The next event that the school held was the second edition of the backyard brawl, another sports day with Rushaki. This time it was in Mulindi. Lucy didn’t come because she was at the new group of volunteer’s training. I however was there but I didn’t go until after they had played handball and started basketball. They wanted me to play basketball with them again, but I wasn’t overly enthusiastic about considering how bad we were beaten last time. I just watched and cheered. Everyone kept asking me why I wasn’t playing so I made like 10 different excuses. It was raining and no one told when I should be there were my best ones. We lost at basketball and I wouldn’t have made a difference. Just doesn’t seem fair when we play bball. Rushaki has a really nice basketball court thanks to Scott the volunteer there before Lucy and the closest basketball court to my school is 45 minute walk up a hill. You have to really want to play to go there. We did win at soccer though which was the main event. So take that Rushaki.

30 kids are not loud enough. It’s a good thing we have a megaphone to amplify one of them. Kinda defeats the purpose of a choir.

Every time there is dancing someone tells me to get up and dance with them. I didn’t do it this time. I told them to dance and they wouldn’t. I am still just a spectacle to some people.

Mulindi secondary’s basketball court/soccer field. The hoop that is standing does not have a hoop.

One Year Later…

As of yesterday I have been living in Rwanda for one year. I have been all over this country. It is call the land of a thousand hills and I have seen probably 800 of them. Rwanda is an amazingly beautiful country and I love it here. After living here for a year it is time to reflect.

Moving here was really difficult. I left all of the modern conveniences that make up an American lifestyle; things like a washer and dryer, microwave, oven, television, car, toilet, refrigerator, and showers. Other things I still have because I brought them with me like a computer, and a camera. My ipod was stolen six months ago though. There are some things that have been available here, like an electric hotplate for cooking, electric kettle for heating water to bathe using a bucket, electric lighting, a cat, cellphone, external hard drive to save movies that I get from other volunteers and my friend Simon who downloads them at the tea factory where he works, and internet that is pretty reliable but too slow and expensive to use more than once a day just to check email and facebook so I don’t get to skype. Electricity is pretty unreliable though because they provide to more people than they can handle and that’s only about 20% of the country. One more thing I still have is processed foods because I get a lot of packages from my mom and friends and other family. I just got packages from the Oliveris and Daenzers, thank you for everything you sent me. Even the stuff that I look at and think what am I going to do with this.

I have been working at a secondary school with people I cannot communicate with and teaching students that cannot understand me. Their English hasn’t gotten to that level yet and my Kinyarwanda is really only useful for shopping and making jokes, I just learned a pickup line that relates to both of those things – Uri kwi isoko? – Are you on the market? I do actually have a fairly large vocabulary, but using the language is really hard for me. That is the same problem that my students have with English. I’m making it my goal to get better at the language now that school is almost out. It has been a while since I studied it at all.

I spend more time alone than I ever have before in my life. I would rather be alone a lot of the time now than have to deal with the awkwardness that comes with being with people. I feel more alone when I’m with a group of people who aren’t including me than when I am by myself watching a movie. Even when I am with friends I don’t always feel like I participate and I feel just as alone as when I was with the other group that wasn’t including me. I feel like maybe I am losing my ability to interact with anyone and not just those who are from another culture, but that could be because the times I’m with my American friends are so few that if every moment isn’t how I imagined how it should be then it is a disappointment. I have realized that I am also pretty hard on myself for not performing socially, morally, and intellectually to the level that I feel like that I am capable of, regardless that I know that I don’t have to.

A lot of volunteers that I started this with have been leaving recently they have been finding other jobs or just leaving because they are unhappy. I wonder if I will ever see them again. The chances are pretty low unless we make an effort to see each other again and realistically that will not happen very much. I’m not going to see the friends I went to college very much anymore either. That’s how life is. Another friend that just went home is Danielle the Fulbright scholar who trained with us. Her scholarship ended so this was how long she planned to be here. I was with her, Hanna (also left) and Hope (staying) in the nicest coffee shop in Rwanda – Bourbon coffee. Danielle had her laptop playing inspirational songs like I believe I can fly and Graduation by Vitamin C then Coming Home by Diddy and till I get there by Lupe. Hanna was saying how they wouldn’t let you do this in America. I left my family and all of my friends to come do this and now the friends that I have made here are leaving to go back. I’m torn on how I feel about it. I asked Danielle how she felt. She said she was sad and excited. I know how that feels. When I left to come here I cried every day for a week and I was so excited to start this. I’m happy they get to go home. It is hard to leave anything that you have invested a lot of time into, but to go home at the end of it has got to feel great because you miss it so much.

A Peace Corps volunteer has to answer one question so many times – Why did you join the Peace Corps? I had to answer this question a lot before leaving and now for a lot of people and to myself, and I will have to answer this question in for people for later in life too. I need to find a good answer that I will be able to give at interviews when I’m looking for a job when I’m done here. They ask you when you interview with Peace Corps and when you first arrive. It tells you a lot about a person that they would do this first of all, but to know why that person is doing it tells you even more. The reason keeps changing. I don’t know what it will be in a few years. When I interviewed to do this I said that I was doing it because of my faith. That doesn’t really tell you too much about me though. I wrote right before leaving that it is because I want to help people. I changed it up once I got here to it is exciting which is more of the reason that I wanted to do it. Now it has changed again. I am still here because I feel like God was telling me to do this and I still like helping people, but not really because it is exciting. Now I feel like I am here to continue to change myself. Never again will I live like this. I don’t know what the future holds and I wish I didn’t worry about it as much as I do. The reason that people don’t give into despair is because they believe the future will be better than the past. That’s why we go through hard things in the present.

There are also a lot of great things about Peace Corps service. Many opportunities that I have been able to take advantage of because I haven’t been scared to go for it.

I know that I am making a difference here. I saw improvement in many of my students’ work. I made the last English exam harder and the scores were worse but not by much. The Math exam was hard for them, but they did well. I think my students have figured out how to learn from the way I teach or I have figured out how to teach so they can learn from me, either way they are doing better and it only took a year. I have so much more respect for teachers now after doing this myself. Pretty sure I do not want to make it my career though.

I am also going to be starting construction of a water collection system in three weeks. The system consists of rain collection and filters to provide drinkable water for the school. The design is by Water for Life of which I am working with Nick Greener. I am really excited about it. Check out the donation page. If we don’t get all the money we will just have to do the construction like my neighbors where you build a little and then wait until you can afford to continue to build.

https://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=donate.contribute.projDetail&projdesc=696-012

Rwanda has so much left to teach me. I just need to make sure that I am paying attention.