As of yesterday I have been living in Rwanda for one year. I have been all over this country. It is call the land of a thousand hills and I have seen probably 800 of them. Rwanda is an amazingly beautiful country and I love it here. After living here for a year it is time to reflect.
Moving here was really difficult. I left all of the modern conveniences that make up an American lifestyle; things like a washer and dryer, microwave, oven, television, car, toilet, refrigerator, and showers. Other things I still have because I brought them with me like a computer, and a camera. My ipod was stolen six months ago though. There are some things that have been available here, like an electric hotplate for cooking, electric kettle for heating water to bathe using a bucket, electric lighting, a cat, cellphone, external hard drive to save movies that I get from other volunteers and my friend Simon who downloads them at the tea factory where he works, and internet that is pretty reliable but too slow and expensive to use more than once a day just to check email and facebook so I don’t get to skype. Electricity is pretty unreliable though because they provide to more people than they can handle and that’s only about 20% of the country. One more thing I still have is processed foods because I get a lot of packages from my mom and friends and other family. I just got packages from the Oliveris and Daenzers, thank you for everything you sent me. Even the stuff that I look at and think what am I going to do with this.
I have been working at a secondary school with people I cannot communicate with and teaching students that cannot understand me. Their English hasn’t gotten to that level yet and my Kinyarwanda is really only useful for shopping and making jokes, I just learned a pickup line that relates to both of those things – Uri kwi isoko? – Are you on the market? I do actually have a fairly large vocabulary, but using the language is really hard for me. That is the same problem that my students have with English. I’m making it my goal to get better at the language now that school is almost out. It has been a while since I studied it at all.
I spend more time alone than I ever have before in my life. I would rather be alone a lot of the time now than have to deal with the awkwardness that comes with being with people. I feel more alone when I’m with a group of people who aren’t including me than when I am by myself watching a movie. Even when I am with friends I don’t always feel like I participate and I feel just as alone as when I was with the other group that wasn’t including me. I feel like maybe I am losing my ability to interact with anyone and not just those who are from another culture, but that could be because the times I’m with my American friends are so few that if every moment isn’t how I imagined how it should be then it is a disappointment. I have realized that I am also pretty hard on myself for not performing socially, morally, and intellectually to the level that I feel like that I am capable of, regardless that I know that I don’t have to.
A lot of volunteers that I started this with have been leaving recently they have been finding other jobs or just leaving because they are unhappy. I wonder if I will ever see them again. The chances are pretty low unless we make an effort to see each other again and realistically that will not happen very much. I’m not going to see the friends I went to college very much anymore either. That’s how life is. Another friend that just went home is Danielle the Fulbright scholar who trained with us. Her scholarship ended so this was how long she planned to be here. I was with her, Hanna (also left) and Hope (staying) in the nicest coffee shop in Rwanda – Bourbon coffee. Danielle had her laptop playing inspirational songs like I believe I can fly and Graduation by Vitamin C then Coming Home by Diddy and till I get there by Lupe. Hanna was saying how they wouldn’t let you do this in America. I left my family and all of my friends to come do this and now the friends that I have made here are leaving to go back. I’m torn on how I feel about it. I asked Danielle how she felt. She said she was sad and excited. I know how that feels. When I left to come here I cried every day for a week and I was so excited to start this. I’m happy they get to go home. It is hard to leave anything that you have invested a lot of time into, but to go home at the end of it has got to feel great because you miss it so much.
A Peace Corps volunteer has to answer one question so many times – Why did you join the Peace Corps? I had to answer this question a lot before leaving and now for a lot of people and to myself, and I will have to answer this question in for people for later in life too. I need to find a good answer that I will be able to give at interviews when I’m looking for a job when I’m done here. They ask you when you interview with Peace Corps and when you first arrive. It tells you a lot about a person that they would do this first of all, but to know why that person is doing it tells you even more. The reason keeps changing. I don’t know what it will be in a few years. When I interviewed to do this I said that I was doing it because of my faith. That doesn’t really tell you too much about me though. I wrote right before leaving that it is because I want to help people. I changed it up once I got here to it is exciting which is more of the reason that I wanted to do it. Now it has changed again. I am still here because I feel like God was telling me to do this and I still like helping people, but not really because it is exciting. Now I feel like I am here to continue to change myself. Never again will I live like this. I don’t know what the future holds and I wish I didn’t worry about it as much as I do. The reason that people don’t give into despair is because they believe the future will be better than the past. That’s why we go through hard things in the present.
There are also a lot of great things about Peace Corps service. Many opportunities that I have been able to take advantage of because I haven’t been scared to go for it.
I know that I am making a difference here. I saw improvement in many of my students’ work. I made the last English exam harder and the scores were worse but not by much. The Math exam was hard for them, but they did well. I think my students have figured out how to learn from the way I teach or I have figured out how to teach so they can learn from me, either way they are doing better and it only took a year. I have so much more respect for teachers now after doing this myself. Pretty sure I do not want to make it my career though.
I am also going to be starting construction of a water collection system in three weeks. The system consists of rain collection and filters to provide drinkable water for the school. The design is by Water for Life of which I am working with Nick Greener. I am really excited about it. Check out the donation page. If we don’t get all the money we will just have to do the construction like my neighbors where you build a little and then wait until you can afford to continue to build.
https://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=donate.contribute.projDetail&projdesc=696-012
Rwanda has so much left to teach me. I just need to make sure that I am paying attention.
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